• Abby

Playing the Field is Just for Sports

I'm not sure where we left off, but I can't imagine it was anything that exciting. Perhaps it was about Taylor and letting the tension between us finally explode into something positive, even though I wouldn't say the experience was that explosive. Something about needing to call him "Doctor ********" made the magic disappear.

There was also probably a mention about that douchey Airman I dated back in August. I'm not sure if I even spent enough time to give him a real alias, but he really doesn't deserve one. Really, if it wasn't for legalities I would put his name all over this place... and maybe even his phone number. However, I have grown as a person so you'll have to DM me separately for that information.

I did walk away from a valuable lesson though: Never put all your eggs in one basket. I figured that these guys were playing me, so why not play the guys? Turns out, playing the field is really only good for playing sports.


Now I know you're thinking that this is a stupid call. Why tell the world to not play the field when you just said to not put all your eggs in one basket? Well here's the difference: Playing the field is actively trying to date more than one person at a time. Not putting all your eggs in one basket is dating one person at a time, but keeping your side pieces around until you seal the deal with your bottom bitch. That's how it's explained anyway in my favorite book Pimpology (yes, it's a real book on how to become a successful pimp. Glossary included).

Before I came to this brilliant realization, I was in fact playing the field and playing the guys who were playing me. There was the firefighter, a different Airman, a cop, and a med student. The med student who is here for a surgical residency was the one who I would take more seriously since he told me he was looking for something more serious to grow (turns out after one pizza date, that wasn't the case. No, we didn't do the dirty - which is probably why I was no longer a candidate). The firefighter, who we all know and love, neglected to tell me he was talking to someone when we he scheduled me for a dick appointment. The new Airman told me he wanted to sleep with someone regularly in hopes of it developing into something, but if it didn't that was fine and then neglected to tell me he was telling a girl I knew that he wanted to date her. And the cop, well I'm not sure what he does on his free time and if he's sleeping with anyone else. He is honestly, for all I know, the only loyal ho.

The interesting part about this story is that I decided to sleep with 3/4 of these guys. Each of them had something unique to their ways. The firefighter asked me to leave him a Yelp review. He said it was a mandatory part of the process and that everyone he's slept with has done it. I have yet to turn mine in, but what better time than now?

  • Overall Rating: 3.5/5

  • The experience overall was nice. It got the job done, and while I was somewhat impressed with the skills that were included, I wasn't over the moon. The tune up was needed regardless, so maybe that's why there was enjoyment in the end result, but there was what seemed to be a constant battle between a lack of confidence and over compensation for confidence being displayed. Between me talking too much and not talking enough, it gave a confusing vibe to the overall atmosphere. There was a mixture of emotions from the counterpart that made the process even more confusing to understand. Was he trying to submit me? Or was he just annoyed with the actions taking place? There was also the fact that some of the major parts of the tune up were ignored. He spoke highly of his performance and what he did enjoy, but in all honesty, he lacked the correct placement of his tools.

  • Would I recommend this particular shop to a friend for tune ups? I probably would. I wouldn't be upset or bothered, and in fact I could see us comparing notes and laughing about it. We could talk about the lack of confidence displayed, and talk about how it could have been better. I would love to learn about someone else's experience and to understand if they had the same concerns about the services provided. I would have given a 4/5 for the review, but the lack of consistency and the fact the job was only half done knock it down a peg or two.

I hope that sufficed for his review.

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