• Abby

For the Men

Well happy new year homies (is it still okay to say that even though it's February? Is it still okay to say homies?). If you're brand new to this extravaganza of a blog, I would highly suggest starting at the beginning. For those of you returning, welcome back. You've been missed. Before we get back to the regularly scheduled shit show that is my life, I wanted to take a detour and address a recent shower thought that's been on my mind.

It's no secret that men think about sex... a LOT. A quick Google search will reveal the information that men think about sex twice as much as women do on (on average). It's said that they think about it at least once a day, when only 1/4 of women reported to think about sex as frequently. And if that's the case... why are men the worst when it comes to getting laid? Let what I'm asking really sink in.

As a woman, how many times have you told a friend "I would have, but he ______"? I've done it at least three or four times with the last three guys I went out with. I'm not saying that every girl is going to be as easy to convince, but I would bet that your odds would be better if you just followed the advice I was about to give.

  1. Patience is Key: This is almost undoubtably the biggest one of them all, which is why it has earned the number one spot. The logic here is that you've hopefully stayed long enough to at least read this one before I offend you and you decide to quit reading. This situation happens almost always: You invite a girl over and you're cuddling up in bed watching movies. You know that you're going to make a move, and you're going to hope that it leads somewhere. Here's the catch: it was never disclosed before the "date" that you were going to sleep together. This means that the entire time you're planning how to get her pants off, she's still deciding if she wants you to or not. I guarantee you, that the more nonchalant and casual you make it, the more she's going to question why you're not just going for it, and she'll end up scooting closer and giving you the cues to make the move.

  2. She is Not Lying: Let's just continue with this movie night gig. I'll give you a real life example to play off of here. I recently had gone out with a guy. The first date was alright, and I didn't think he liked me that much. To my surprise, he wanted to hangout again. The second time we hung out, I had said that I just wanted to get chicken nuggets, crawl into bed to watch movies, and fall asleep. That was not code for "I want to come over and sex you up." I am a grownup. If I want to have sex with you, I will tell you. If she's not being blunt like that, then she's too young for you bro.

  3. Compliment Her Intellectually: You can roll your eyes at this one guys if you want, but nothing is sexier than a man who can hold a conversation with me about my curiosities in the world. Often times we're told that men are just intimidated by smart women, but instead what I think is that men just think women want to be told how great they look (thanks poorly portrayed romantic comedies). I'm not saying if I throw on lingerie, ask me what my current stance is on the stock market and what stock I'll be purchasing next with my reasons why. But I am saying that if we're laying around watching some bullshit TV show, ask me about anything that would spark conversation and allow for some kind of debate. Ask me about the latest book I've read. Ask me about my favorite research. Ask me anything that challenges me to find an answer and explain it, and I will have your pants off within an hour.

So basically, in lament terms for men: kiss her once, cuddle her, and then she'll do the rest.

Now back to our regularly scheduled "Abby's life is a shit show" blog.

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