• Abby

Did You Miss Me?

Updated: Dec 26, 2020

I had a friend once tell me "No Abby, if you speak it into the world that's how you get it. That's what Oprah said." I don't know if I'd necessarily base all of my trust on something Oprah said, because if that's true then I'm going to have to sue her for false pretenses - and before you get all Josh Peck on me, just hear me out.

To Whom it May Concern ended two years ago with the hopes of something happening with some guy whose name started with an S. You know, the one that was leaving for basic training and we only had a month to spend together? If you don't, there will be time to remember him and his less than adequate qualities. Either way the point here is that it didn't work. He sent me a love letter during basic training telling me how "If life had a pause button [he'd] press it any of the times spent with [me]". Me being the over caring person I am, sent him a letter every day.

I can already hear the judgement from men and I haven't even started the actual story. In my defense, you can't send me a letter telling me how much you wish you were with me and then not expect me to go above and beyond for you. The best part is, he said that letter was sent as "just a friendly letter".

... A. Friendly. Letter.

Let me just recite what I have from that letter:

"Dear Abby,

Right now I'm currently lying on the floor with my foot pressed against the door. I should be in bed, but I wanted to write to you to tell you that if life had a pause button, I would have pressed it any of the times I was with you. I'm craving your cuddles and chocolate chip cookies.

Airman XXXXXX"

I have a lot of male friends and I just would like to point out that none of them have ever wished that life had a pause button that they could have pressed any of the times they were with me. Nor do they ever crave cuddling with me. Instead, they put embarrassing nicknames of me in their phone and make fun of the fact that an Air Force EOD member is "craving my cuddles". If you're not suspicious about the letter, then that probably makes you one of those assholes* that would pull something like that and say that it was "read out of context".

*If you are that asshole, please provide me with a decoder so I can make sure to recognize that "craving your cuddles" means "I am glad we are friends".

So anyway, things didn't work out with Airman whatever his fake name was. For two years, it was him constantly coming in and out of my life. We all have one of those, and while this sequel isn't about him, the first chapter will be so I might as well get the recap out of the way. Through his constant inconsistencies though, it finally felt like I had grown enough as a person, and worked through enough of my own personal problems that I really was ready. And, just like Oprah said, I put it out into the world I am ready to settle down into this grown up life and meet someone.

For two years I had said something stupid like "Don't give up! He'll show up when you least expect it!" or "I'm ready for a real relationship and I will find the one!", and instead of finding love, I found myself with more stories filled with lying assholes.

So ya... fuck you Oprah.

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